Blog Archive

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Hard Questions

This was the thing that got me thinking about options facilitation. If you haven't read my post on that, go read it first. It'll make this make more sense.

So let me ask you something about what we're learning, outside of here.

I'm always leery of conversations that begin this way. We don't talk much about self-defense or similar issues at Sityodtong. That's largely by choice; we are a combat sport academy, and the focus of our training is helping people develop as athletes, and if they choose, competitors, not in preparing them to survive a violent assault. But occasionally, questions come up. Sometime they're easy. Sometimes, not so much.

The conversation in question turned to a friend of this student, who was apparently hit by her husband while he was watching. Oh, and the guy's one year-old child was in the room.

The student walked away. Specifically, he walked away and called 911. And then he questioned that. Part of him wanted to intervene. Part of him also knew that he has a tremendously bad temper, and he was worried that he would really try to hurt the guy, badly, if he did anything. So he walked. He wasn't sure if he had done the right thing, so he came to me.

I wanted to be able to give a simple, easy answer, but there isn't one. Did he do the right thing? I can't even answer that. Armchair quarterbacking is easy. Real life isn't. Everything I've gotten from reading and conversation is that domestic violence is one of the hardest things to intervene on. Cops run into problems with it all the time.

Could he have intervened? Sure. At the risk of his friendship. Of a law suit. Jail time. And not actually solving the problem.

Or he could have beaten up the bad guy, gotten hero sex, and been hailed as a hero the likes of whom had not been seen for a generation. Who knows?

I did my best to get him to see the options. To recognize the choice, to understand why he made it, and to make a plan moving forward. It was the best I could do, but it wasn't satisfying. Not because the answer was bad, but because I couldn't give a good one. There is no good answer in those circumstances.

No comments: